In discussion of sex, much is said about the dangers of pregnancy and disease but far less is ever said about the emotional hazards. The destructive psychological consequences of sex outside of marriage are very real. Being aware of them can help someone to make and stick to the decision to avoid premature sexual involvement.

That's not to say we should downplay the physical dangers of uncommitted sex. Pregnancy is a life changing event. Sexually transmitted diseases (STD's) can rob you of your health and even your life. Condoms don't remove these dangers, either physically and definitely not emotionally.  It is the emotional aspect of sex that makes it distinctly human.

Here is a look at 10 negative psychological consequences of sex outside of a committed marriage relationship.

Worry about pregnancy and STD's

A high school girl told a nurse, "I see some of my friends buying home pregnancy tests, and they are so worried and so distracted every month - afraid that they might be pregnant. It's a relief to me to be a virgin." If you're remaining abstinent, you are free from the worries of getting pregnant or contracting an STD.

Regret and Self Recrimination

Many people, after having sex, experience the emptiness of realizing that it didn't bring them the satisfaction they had thought. For many married people, they regret that they didn't save themselves for the one they chose to live the rest of their lives with.

Girls, especially, need to know in advance the sharp regret that so many young women feel after becoming sexually involved. Girls are more vulnerable than boys because girls are more likely to think of sex as a way to "show you care". If a girl expects a sexual interlude to be loving, she may very well feel cheated and "used" when the boy doesn't show a greater romantic interest after the event.

Guilt

Guilt is a special form of regret - a strong sense of having done something morally wrong. Guilt is a normal and healthy moral response, a sign that one's conscience is working.

One 16 year old boy says he stopped having sex with girls when he saw, and felt guilty about, the pain he was causing. "You see them crying and confused. They say they love you, but you don't love them."

Loss of Self-Respect and Self-Esteem

Even if a person is fortunate enough to escape sexually transmitted diseases, sex before marriage can lower self-respect. Sometimes the lowered self-esteem, leads a person into further casual sex, which leads to further loss of self-esteem in an oppressive cycle from which it may be hard to break free.

The Corruption of Character and Debasement of Sex

When people treat others as sexual objects and exploit them for their own pleasure, they not only lose self-respect, they corrupt their character. Studies have shown a direct link between pre-marital sex and other harmful activities such as alchohol or drug use. Sex can easily take over individuals and relationships. In the process, sexual intercourse loses its meaning, beauty and preciousness. Sex is then trivialized and degraded.

Shaken Trust and Fear of Commitment

Young people who feel used or betrayed after the break-up of a sexual relationship may experience difficulty in future relationships. Some sexually exploited people, as we've seen, develop such low self-esteem that they seek any kind of attention, even if it's another short-lived and demeaning relationship.

Rage Over Betrayal

Sometimes the emotional reaction to being "dumped" isn't just a lack of trust or fear of commitment...it's rage. Sex can be emotional dynamite. It can create a very strong emotional bond that hurts terribly when it's ruptured. The resulting sense of betrayal can give rise to rage and even violence.

Depression and Suicide

Sometimes the emotional turmoil caused by the rupture of a sexual relationship leads to deeper depression. The depression, in turn may lead some people to take their own lives. In the past 35 years, teen suicide has tripled. This is the same period during which the rate of teenage sexual activity sharply increased, particularly for girls.

Ruined Relationships

Sex can have another kind of emotional consequence.  It can turn a good relationship bad. Other dimensions of a relationship stop developing. Pretty soon, negative emotions enter the picture. Eventually they poison the relationship and what had once been a caring relationshop comes to a bitter end.

Stunting Personal Development

Premature sexual involvement not only can stunt the development of a relationship, it can also stunt one's development as a person. Those who are absorbed in an intense sexual relationship are turning inward on one thing at the very time in their lives when they should be reaching out, forming new friendships, joining clubs and teams, developing their interests and skills, preparing for the future and taking on bigger social responsibilities.

There are very many people who deeply regret their sexual involvements, but you will be hard-pressed to find very many people who saved sex for marriage and regret it. Sex is most joyful and fufilling, most emotionally safe, as well as physically safe, when it occurs whithin a loving, binding, commitment called marriage.  Don't settle for anything less! Sex is a special gift to give to someone not because you're "in love" or becuase "we're going to get married someday", but because you have said "I do". Sexual union is then part of something bigger...the union of two persons' lives.

"Safe Sex" has been proven to be a myth.

The only safe sex is in a marriage committed to life-long faithfulness

Tips For Staying Pure

• Set your standards early and let you dates know up-front where you stand
• Go on group dates, avoid situations where you are totally alone with your date in private locations
• Avoid alcohol
• Find someone to hold you accountable to your commitment
• Guard your mind; sexually explicit messages through TV, movies, music and especially pornography cause impure thoughts and keep you from having self-control in the area of sex.
• Have boundaries in your dating relationships.
• Plan your dates; decide where you will be going beforehand to avoid boredom

For more information or to schedule a presentation for your group, call Life House at (270)753-0700. You can also email us at lifehouse@murray-ky.net